Take me somewhere nice

It’s been a while. Long and standing. The smoke gets into your eyes. The men that stands before you. They grin and smirk. You lay looking away. The change on the table.  The doors that shuts behind them.

It’s been a while. Feeling close seems fictional. The stares. You hated the silhouettes.  You hated the stares. Time makes you numb.

Never came upon you how you got there. The beatings. The screams. The arms around you. She said no. she said no. The protective arms.  They never listen. They never will over the bottle. You still see it over the broken mirror.

You longed. It’s just a memory. You wished.  Yes you wished. The arms wrapped around you every night.

You hoped. You know. It’ll be better you say. Laying. Looking over the leaking ceiling. The lights flicker. The cigarette burns out. The men stands before you. The change on the table. The door shuts behind them.

You wish. Yes you wish.

If you could be at someplace nice

Full Stop  

The Quilt that covers us

Signs of defeat. The hands and knees on the ground.
The tears roll down. Fist clenched. The need to scream aloud.
Words. So few. The silence. The chaos.
The quilt that covers us.
Scream! she says. SCREAM!
With every decibel. It releases fear. With every decibel. It releases regret.
Have faith she says. It'll come to be. The possibility, lowest as it may be.
A black dot is still a stain on a white cloth.
Be Quite! Reflect. Know. Feel. Understand.
She pushes. She discriminates. She stays. She Believes.
She'll be there.
The quilt that covers us.


full stop

Waving Farewell

Waving Farewell

Sheets are turned over. The air carried a sense of tranquility. Light creeps between the lids.
I stared aimlessly towards nothingness. Nostalgia. Feeling the memories of tomorrow.
I walk the thin planks. Looking over the bright lights. The shivering has been taken over by calmness.
I take a leap of faith. Waving Farewell behind.
It's cold now.
From the same old rain.
My friends from the past are here.
Haven't met them in a while.
No I don't need the warmth.
Can't really feel my fingers no more.
It's ok.
I don't need the warmth.



Full Stop

Quiet

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be quite. I’ll be a stool.
I’ll be straight. I’ll be still. I’ll listen. I promise.

It’s so loud…

Don’t raise your hand. Please! Please! Please!

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be quite. I’ll be the stool.

I remember. Be still! Stay in the corner! I’m sorry. I’ll listen.

I’ve been good. Feed me? I’ve been good. Love me?

It’s ok. I fell. I hit myself on the wall. Don’t worry.
I have a home. I really do. He’s on his way.

I don’t understand. You sound weird.

It’s so loud…

Don’t raise your hand. Please! Please! Please!

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be quite. I’ll be a stool.
I’ll be straight. I’ll be still. I’ll listen. I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be quite. I’ll be a stool.
I’ll be straight. I’ll be still. I’ll listen. I promise.

With tomorrow i hope

Swimming in the dust. Blurred visions are cleared. I can see clearly now. Part of me is there. I know. Living within the covers. It feels just like tomorrow.

It’s built like the never. An ending with the beginning. A spinning wheel that never has its patron reaches its end.

I’ll be there. Oh yes I’ll be.

I’ll be there. Oh yes. I’ll be where it glows.

Part of me I have. Part of me I own. The continuous disappointments. The never ending confusion. Those parts of me. I will drive towards tomorrow.

Around those who’re tight to me. I will put you back together. Soundly and silently as I have. I should never have left you behind. But I needed too. I had to call on me.

I am happy as always.

I’ll be there for me.

I am happy as always.

Part of you I have. Part of me has shown. I should have but I needed too.

I had a call on me.

I have to be.

I hope to be.

Understanding the blowing of the horns

to spiral down the drain. to move recklessly against the current. to jump off the cliff. to meet ones' end. to be alive. to march down the fields. to cry to the man next to you. to continuously speak to the one next to you. to ensure the end of another. all the hope. all the prayers. all the wishes and all the tears. to still be alive.

to drift slowly towards everyone else. to be who they are. to not be alone. to not get away and be left behind. to carve up the walls. instead of opening up with talk. we are ready, yes we are. do it. just do it. yes we are to ready open up the closets. to understand the ones who wanted to be remembered. to still feel alive.

to have your own believes. this is never the place they say. this is not the place. to want to return home. cower within the blankets. never reach for the doors. never free the words. save yourself. to stay alive.

to spiral down the drain. to move recklessly against the current. to jump off the cliff. to meet ones' end. to always be on top. to be the one to scream. to be the one who will be true. to be in the stories. to always be breaking the grounds.

we will stand. the bellowing. the will. to feel, to breath the air. to still be alive. to listen to the blowing of the horns. we want to be alive. to listen to the blowing of the horns.

full stop

Malaysia, my love.

The blue skies. The polluted Malacca Straits. The calm seas of the east. We we're never good for you. She knows. Yes she knows. We're divided inside. Dancing our fans and working our squared caps. We're controlled. Yes! We are measured. We're weighted and we have been deemed unworthy.

The people. The rakyat. The ones that matters. We hold back. We sing our hearts out. We scream. We're hurt. We are united. We all look towards the red sky. We yearn. We please. We are bounded. We all look towards the red sky.

The silver linings. The strings that plays. The hope it brings. The tunes of liberation. The oppression.
Oh! Here lies the oppression in blue and yellow missing the red and white.

The bus numbered eleven. It carries us. The never ending hike up the hills of Jerusalem. Holding hands. We will be without regrets. We will carry our weights. Our red, blue, white and yellow. The crescent and the star.

We will love you. Always. For we are you.

We will love you. Always. For you are who we are.


full stop

Being me

The mistakes. Being human. Forgetting the words. I will give in. I will volunteer to be your life.

I remember and I forget. I tremble and I fear. I promise and I break. I swear and i curse.

I'm never the person I wanted to be.

I live and I speak of it. The tales, the lies and the stories. I made them laugh, I made them smile. I'm tired. I need to be. Now let me slip so I can sleep away. 

I've got a warm heart. 

I cry truths. I love all i love. I feel the beats. I hear the truths. I'm sorry I betrayed you. Hazel was the colour of my eyes. The mirror never lies. The flow that follows. 

I love that you'll live. I feel the beats. I hear the truth. I'm sorry i betrayed you.

I'll still be who i'm meant to be. What I was said I would to be. What I want to be. I will. 

With a warm heart and all the medicine. I'll never betray myself.

I'm tired. I'm weak. I'm irrelevant. It's just me being me. I'm irrelevant. 

I am who I will be.

Full Stop

The secret life of the not so introverted

Note: the references and characters i'm drawing out for this post may or may not be related to anyone/anything alive or dead. the post is purely fictional and tho it may step on a few toes, it doesn't really matter cause you'll still have your legs intact...happy reading :)
....

"Hi..." and that's all i got from an actual introvert who wouldn't continue our conversation beyond the greeting...hence the "blank" post in http://beingasimpleton.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-secret-life-of-introvert.html...

but that's never always the case...however! that's not what we're here to read about. As much as the extroverted are constantly placed on the alter to be worshiped and looked up upon, "oh, he/she's so outspoken!" or "he/she really is the life of the party!" "i will die for you Gandhi wannabe!"...not all extroverts actually like the sun to always be shinning down on them...and for the sake of convenience, we shall name the extrovert "God".

I, like to be left alone too.

some alone time won't kill. God don't always draw energy from others. sometimes a crowd is a pain. imagine the pressure pleasing every tom, dick, harry and sally needing the attention from God. Having created the bonds that holds mankind together is tiring enough seeing the diversity in the knots and ends it has to untangle.

A pine of beer and some music is sometimes all it takes to rejuvenate God. Speaking to himself, hearing his thoughts and interpreting the music of mankind can be relaxing. who knows!

A quote from a friend, Robbie Fulks:

"I live being left alone, I like chocolate pie, clear blue sky, A glass of Côtes du Rhône, I like summer, I like fall, I like music, but most of all, I like being left alone"

More than 5 is definitely a crowd and I can only sparkle for 5 minutes or so with 10

What ever happened to conversations and meaningful conversations. God will hold a pillow on a bed if it meant breaking off a group of 10 to be with the 5. Sharing, caring, eventually smoking at the balcony with a friend or two, chatting over a bottle. Trust him, it's less stressful then trying to come up with a "how did the chicken cross the road" joke. Intimacy being the cement that strengthen the bonds really carries weight here.

Yes, there are the occasional appearances on Saturday Night Life. The eyes turn to him and expectations build up. He's finally saying something and I swear it's going to be epic thinks the crowd. Nevertheless, he never lets anyone down. It'll last, definitely. Everyone goes home happy and God goes home tired. Hey, he's only human.

I sit at the end of the bus because I need to shut my mouth and mind

No! God's not coming up with new stories to tell. He just wants to admire then rain fall that hits the window, the smoker who dropped his cigarette into the puddle, the kid who smiles and waves at the buses and cars that passes by. Winding down is hard. Imagine having absorbed the life of the hundreds you see in a day.

Filtering's a bitch and the mouth gets tired too.

I'm a self absorbed Bastard and YES, i'll reject your calls.

Yes, God will listen but will he always react? Dumb statements and comments will always be stupid, regardless. God rejects calls, definitely! There will always a favorite list and trust me when i say Mother Theresa is not always in the top 10. Needing to stoop down is insulting and it needs lots of patience. For that I've (on behalf of God) came up with an equation:

Patience = Friendliness level + I'll still be able to smile scale  - (Time left to live * estimated number of idiotic people you'll ever come across in a lifetime)

Note: friendliness level is a scale between 1 - 10.
          I'll still be able to smile scale: 5 - 20

No! Life's not cruel nor is she being a bitch.

Newton made a fair statement.

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction"

though this has nothing to do with him being an extrovert, God still took reference to his writings.

Extroverts don't rule the world

Period.



Full Stop

The secret life of an introvert

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