I am.

i'm a person, i'm someone you never wanted me to be.
i'm a parcel, i'm a plain, i'm a slide people ride on.
i'll ride to the moon, i'll be the first, i'll be the only one.
i'll be who i am.
i'll be the eyes, i'll be the heart, i'll be the slave.
i'll be the stones, i'll be the weight, i'll be the air you cannot breath.
i am who i am.
i am the path, i am the lost, i am to be.
i am who i am.
i can never please, i am to be hated.
i'll break what there's to break, i am cruel and i am wasted space.
i am who i am.
i'll be hurt. i'll be tortured. i'll be crucified. i'll be lifted. i'll be worshiped. i'll be on an alter.
i am who i am.
now let me be. i promise i'll be who i can be. i am clueless.
i am breathless. i am lost. i am a plain.
i am who i am.

or do i not know.

i am who i am.

full stop.

Liberty is me

The distort. The overwhelming flow of uneasiness. Falling into the abyss of unbelievers.The unknown and the deserted.  Always doubting. Always without self belief. Like maggots feeding off insecurities. Never waking. Eternity was never a doubt. The choirs are singing. Their echoes follows me to the bottom. All are whispers. Constant rings to the ears. Never step outside.

The last ray of sunlight. A line I will never cross. The bottom and the sand that comes with it. Leaning on the walls. Hopelessness and being forgiven by oneself. The sign. the last sign. I've taken the last breath with relief.

The ringing. The constant irritation. The voice that will always be.Whistling away troubles while singing the tunes of serenity. Gathering the believes. Holding the believers. The first step.

The knees gave way. Nevertheless the stands it takes. The beating. Relentless. Never bowing down now. The refusal to forgive oneself for the sake of standing up. Grasping and gasping for air. Slowly crawling and climbing. The first ray. The felt of warmth. The hands that reaches out.

It grows. It really does! Liberty!

Tears now rolls down the cheeks. The need to blow the horns of freedom. Fright and fear is now buried below. The tune that bellows through the valley. I am free! I am me and will always be.

I am me and will always be...

Liberty!

Liberty!

Liberty!


Full Stop.

The Norm

The Binds. The white and black. The thin but clear lines. The lies. The truth. The odd. Never a norm. I yearn. I wish. I'm desperate. To feel. The wind. The sun. The pace of life that is nil. I walk. I run. A pack of puppets on the streets. With direction. Intention and believes that the yellow brick road leads to happiness. The people. The religion. The different colours. The ways of life that were never acceptable. The binds. The black and white. The thin but clear lines. The norm.


Full Stop

How do you kill the white elephant in the room?

You can't and that's where the problem starts. People will think they're out of the mud but what they don't realize is that they're now in deeper shit. So deep that the quicksands of Africa seems like a playground moving in the speed of an elevator music.

To address or not to address. That is the real dilemma. 

The white elephant. An idiom for a valuable but burdensome possession of which its owner cannot dispose and whose cost (particularly cost of upkeep) is out of proportion to its usefulness or worth. In this context, it's issues and burdens built in one’s head which eventually piles up and becomes a personality.

It could've been bad parenting, peer pressure, horrible sex life, getting bitten by a dog and never recovering from it. It's the daily ins and outs, ups and downs that shapes us.

It all eventually is brought out in the open via conversations, fights and arguments and then it suddenly appears via Harry Potter yelling "Expecto Patronum" or in a normal context, "lets talk about it".

The White Elephant now resides in the hall resting on its laurels grinning. 

It's huge, detrimental and coy. It hides when it needs to and appears when it's never wanted or expected. Hamlet would've been happier holding a skull deciding if he should continue living or not.

"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against the sea of troubles, and by opposing end them" - Hamlet Act 3 Scene 1, Shakespeare.

We're human and definitely less dramatic (for the most of us) but tolerance only gets us as far as the longest marathon ever ran. So how do you kill the white elephant in the room?

You can't and that's a fact. A pat on its head and playing fetch with it is probably the best way to treat it. It'll never disappear and it will be your best friend. Addressing it while accepting its existence is the only way to survive. If people can believe Moses spoke to a burning bush so can we with the albino with tusks. 

To be in denial is suicidal. Yes, there are that few who prefers a life in a studio with random strangers waking up next to them till the day they die earning a penny a day. I'll survive they say. Respect to those hippies.

At the end of the day, I'm guessing people are screaming;

I'm not a beggar begging from starvation, but a beggar begging for salvation.

And salvation starts from within. Period. As a start, accept that it exist. It's after that you slowly work your way through the maze. Eventually you'll either make it or die trying. No pun intended.

Hence, the white elephant never dies as it goes six feet under with you. For all its worth, there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

Full Stop

The lion, the witch and the wardrobe

Definitely not fantasy with talking lions and pedophile half beings. This, a tale of back and heart aches. The trials and tribulations of a martyr. Not one with 7 virgins waiting for a kamikaze bomber but one who sacrifices for the fictional believe/feeling called love. The lion, the witch and the wardrobe.

Pride, great hair and ample of sexual prowess. The lion, a symbol of greatness and that's how it all begins. 2 people regardless of race, gender or sexual preference. The world now revolves around that person. Every smell, touch and sight is perfect. It can't be any better than this nor can anything go wrong. Paris pee'ed in its pants thinking it could outdo the romanticism emotions that took place between these 2 individuals.

"Dark clouds looms above the lands with cold winds blowing, prickling the bones under our skins. Ahead of us, we see dried leaves moving in a circular motion.  Signs or turmoil and turbulence approaches the calm and loving doorsteps of our home". The hideousness of the witch is finally showing. The ego and demands wrinkles the foreheads. The shouts and screams. The sounds of crashing porcelains and finally the sounds of the palm landing on the face resonates within the walls.

Silence suddenly creeps in. Mouths sewed tight under the impression that all that happened was because the other half was merely in a bad mood. The witch had finally appeared. Hansel and Gretel fell for the house of candy. 

It all begins mentally. The unseen pressure, the sudden expectations and of course not forgetting, the disappointments. The torture and never ending tears. Similar to a siege on a fort that runs bare on resources and is in the midst of breakdown waiting for the chance to surrender but such an option is never an option. Then comes the physical abuse. The bruises and scratches. The burns that will be mistaken for birth marks. The tortures and the rapes. The scratches and the inappropriate runs of the fingers through the body. The witch gets what it wants.

The wardrobe. A place of solemn and peace. Depression now needs a home. Further down the street, a funeral is being held for the past. The hangars for the necks and the drawers for the chopped up limbs. With its doors closed, darkness has never been this friendly. Imagination and lies now is a friend anyone could possibly ask for. A trip to Neverland suddenly doesn't look like a trip to Port Dickson with crappy beaches and dirty hotels. A place for unused dresses and shirts for molds to grow onto changing its original colour.

Definitely  not a visit to the nearest whore house where happy endings happens. Unwritten pages where life and fantasy strikes a balance. Where expectations and reality are often abused and later met with harsh greetings. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

Full Stop

Being Adam

Disclaimer: This article (only if you consider it to be one) is meant for reading pleasure and not to be taken seriously. If you or your mother or father or pastor or priest or shaman were to find this offensive, i really don't give a *neighing* backside. so please, read at your own discretion. 

And so it begins.

It's a norm, being tied by traditions, believes and practices. It's a norm, to believe and worship books and texts and idols. No i'm not relating this post to a vampire that sparkles under the sun nor am i referring to the hardy boys.

Yes! As blasphemous as it may soon be, i am referring to RELIGIONS.

Firstly you have the Theist, Atheist and the "sesat" ones, the agnostics. For those who are like me, needing to google every term to understand what it means, i'm going to do you a favor today just because i'm in a good mood;

theist - one who believes in the existence of a god or gods

atheist - one who disbelieves or denies the existence of god or gods

agnostic - one who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a god. one who is skeptical about the existence of god but does not profess true atheism. one who is doubtful or noncommittal about something. plain and simply put, SESAT.

Secondly from the theist, comes the labeling. I'm a Muslim, I'm a Christian (of various sects), I'm a Buddhist (claims many of whom has the disability to distinguish Taoism from Buddhism) and many more.

So that leaves the "others" in a limbo. Where do people like me stand? We believe but refuse to be bounded and chained by traditions and believes not because we're pulling off a James Dean (rebel without a cause), but because we don't see the point in burning papers, kneeling or singing as examples. Our relationship with Him/Her is sacred to ourselves not to mention private. Our conversations/prayers done in our own way without scripts or harmonizing with a choir group.

In countries filled with overzealous backward minded practitioners, this my dear readers is a big issue. For all the human rights to choose that our fore fathers have fought and is still fighting so hard for, it suddenly turns into a witch hunt with Big Brother casting it's eyes and ears waiting to send the damned, confused or plain stupid for rehabilitation or punishments.

John Lennon, one of the first to publicly claim his stand said and i quote:

"Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right. We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity. Jesus was all right but his disciples were think and ordinary. It's them twisting it that ruins it for me."

and sang:

"Imagine there's no heaven. It's easy if you try. No hell below us, above us only sky"

Of course, there were tons of claims of him being an atheist but there is also a firm believe that he was merely condemning organized religions. 

Hence the conundrum would now suggest if it is/has been ever necessary to take sides. Was the crusade or the jihad which took countless lives fill the reds in their books and ever be able to make up for it? Is it a necessity to be labeled for God to see or hear us? Is doing what is right no longer the only option for us to be close to Him/Her?

With old school thoughts still controlling the waves of believes, the red sea of the current times seems narrower than the one Moses had to cross for the ones in between but not lost. Religions will always be strong with babies born into families of already firm believers and with current believers not going AWOL but changing religions like a stereotyped Gen-Y would change jobs.

Nevertheless, should we bring ourselves back to when it all first started with Adam and Eve, myself and my peers are not doing anything different. We do believe and feel the presence of our Creator. We believe in what's right and wrong but we stand firm in not being labeled with an organized religion of any sort.

So here I am;

Being Adam.

Full Stop

Being Simple

The beginning is the end is the beginning! - smashing pumpkins

That's how I'll start ranting on the mudsling and horse shit I'll be going through with a couple of things...

Life
Music
Life again
Fashion (hopefully with my own designed tees)
And more boring stuff...

Simpleton, a band, a brand and a way of life. Never beating around the bush with bombastic terms, quotes or metaphors. A concept of being bare with nothing more than being oneself. Nothing to bieber or kardashian about. 

What inspired me? Nothing.

Probably myself. Probably boredom or if I was gonna be philosophical, a reflection of myself by rambling expressively through words.

So...having the last sip from the end of my pint, I shall now take end my first entry with nothing but a full stop.

Thanks.

Full Stop